(This post is for both paid and free subscribers. For a more authentic and relatable experience listen to the audio recording).

Warning! Today’s post could possibly bring up some resistance for you, and may require some bravery.

Recap….

So last week we talked about how having space impacts our lives for the better, and why it’s so hard.

Over the next few weeks we are going to be covering a few ways to create more space in our lives.

As a woman who has been on a self love and being more disco ball journey for quite a few years now, this is definitely one of the hardest patterns to shift, and one that takes ongoing work.

And as someone who can get addicted to highs, and the buzz of “doing “, This one is extra tricky for me.

However, as mentioned last week, the advantages for creating space hugely outweigh the disadvantages. And right now, I know that in order to properly grieve, and to grow from the death of both my Dad and Granny, I need a lot of space.

How do we create more space?

So how do we create more space? How do we realistically find extra space in our day when we are also busy? How do we create more time to do the things that bring us home to ourselves versus staying busy and addicted to doing?

I believe there are two major things that can create more space:

1. Removing what doesn’t serve from our lives

2. Boundaries

Both of these take major courage because they involve taking action which is rather uncomfortable. However, they really do make a huge difference in creating space for ourselves.

I’ll be covering boundaries next week, but for this week we’re going to be looking at removing what doesn’t serve, and I’ll be making a very brave decision to remove something from my life.

So here goes…

Removing what no longer serves….

As stated last week, we live in a world driven by consumption and doing. Our culture praises us for being busy, for taking lots on, and for ticking more and more off of our to do list. The message is that the more we have, do, and create, the happier and more successful we are.

But what if it was actually the other way around? What if that’s actually a complete fat lie, and the truth is that the less we do is actually the key to happiness?

What if we were to completely switch things up, and instead of ticking off our list, and busying ourselves, we intentionally create a quieter life.

A life where we are free to do things that truly matters to us. Where we feel more grounded, and connected with ourselves. Where we can spend time with the people that really matter. Where we can allow ourselves rest in order to honour our bodies needs. And where we don’t have to push so hard, and can allow things to flow and unfold naturally.

The more and more I delve into personal development, and living more authentically, the more and more I see how the latter is the way I want to live.

I am SO over being dictated to by the Patriarchy…and I’m so fucked off by the constant distractions out there.

I want to do it my way, at my pace, with who I want, and when I want.

But how do we do it?

Well, we can start by making the brave and bold decision to remove what drains us most from our lives.

We can take an inventory of our life, and where we spend our time, and consciously remove what is blocking us from having space, and time to do what really matters.

This can be things that we do, situations that we’re in, certain food and drink, habits that we are displaying, certain people in our lives, and patterns that we are stuck in.

And I’m not saying that we need to remove everything overnight – this is a long winded process. But I do believe, that the more we let go of what no longer serves us, the more and more we will become our authentic selves.

It takes bravery and commitment…

But it’s not easy, and it takes commitment and bravery… and action.

And we also have to be ready for it.

Some examples of things I’ve already removed from my life are as follows –

• Working in a job that sucked the life from my soul

• Drinking alcohol and staying out late

• Searching for and buying stuff off Vinted

• Eating starchy carbs, including sugar

• Drinking caffeine

• Having people to stay for more than two nights

• Worrying about the state of the world, and affect it has on my daughter

• Making my husband wrong

• Networking events that feel completely inauthentic and full of bullshit

All of these hugely drain my energy and my time, and take me further away from myself, the life that I want to live, and from having more space in my life.

And all of them have been deeply uncomfortable to change, and yet I was ready for all of them. Certain foods were making me feel like shit, alcohol really affected my choices, bullshit networking events feel so inauthentic to me, and anything inauthentic really drains me, and I hardly ever liked anything I bought Vinted.

Catastrophising about the world meant I became really controlling with my daughter and we moved further and further apart, and constantly making my husband wrong drove a huge wedge between us, and blocked my heart off from love even more.

All of these behaviours and habits were something I did for a long time, but it came to a point where I knew I couldn’t do it anymore.

But even though I was ready to stop, they all required bravery, courage, commitment, awareness, and putting in boundaries – all of which takes work.

How about you?

Are there any on the list that you resonate with? Are there any that you’ve already removed? I am 99% sure there will be - there’s no way you’d be a subscriber to this without having done some work already.

And are you feeling inspired to potentially drop something else or someone else?

Word of warning…

Massive word of warning here – if it involves dropping people, I highly recommend finding a way that is the least hurtful and damaging. In the early days of becoming more disco ball, I stepped away from quite a few people, and because I didn’t know about speaking my truth from the heart, I just kind of dropped everyone without explanation, and I know I hurt people. I wish I had spoken more honestly and openly.

And for complex relationships, especially family, I’ve had to have counselling to help me put in boundaries to create more space. Please, please, please tread carefully where there are any deep connections, PTSD, or trauma wounds, and find a way that feels really authentic and safe for you.

What I’m ready to let go of….

And now onto what I am ready to drop. I’ve been toying with this for months now, and being really scared to make the change, but I’ve known deep down that it’s time to let it go.

And it may not seem like a big thing for you, but for me it feels really quite uncomfortable, and scary.

And that is…to come off social media for good.

I cannot describe how draining social media is for me, in particular Instagram. I’m sure you’ve heard me share this before, however for my own benefit, I want to record the effect it has on me:

• It moves me into place of frenzy, and I become very ungrounded

• I become less present with my husband and daughter

• My level of self-worth is hugely affected by engagement and number of likes I get

• One-to-one Face connection is where I feel the most full up, and I don’t feel connected to people on social media

• I get pulled into comparison to others, and I doubt myself

• I become addicted to scrolling and dopamine

• My mind becomes overactive with ideas of what to post

• I sleep less

• I spend more money

• I lose connection to my intuition

• I feel like I’m “on “all the time

• I feel like I have to respond to everyone

And even though I have awareness of my behaviours, and can put in boundaries to reduce screen time, and at times have full time breaks, it’s still draining me, and it’s time to finally make the change.

Now this is pretty scary for me, because I know that nearly half of the Rave ticket sales come from Instagram. And that a lot of people like my content. Plus, I’m really good behind a camera, in fact I love being behind a camera. It’s just the posting, responding, and being seen that is the issue for me.

I also have events coming up that I need to promote, and so the thought of coming off completely is really scary.

But, I’m going to do things differently.

This isn’t going to happen overnight, but I’m going to take some massive steps towards moving my business in a different direction.

Firstly, I’m handing over all posting and scheduling to Nicola, who works for me in admin. I’m also limiting the posts to a maximum of 3 per week. I also won’t be sharing any stories or anything from my day to day life anymore either, and right now you won’t see many videos of me.

I’m also going to be moving content away from me, and will be including more of you, my team, and whatever else starts to evolve from this space that I’m creating.

And finally, I will be uninstalling all social media apps from my phone, for good. The only way I will connect to people through Instagram, is from my computer.

And even though I’m not fully coming off yet, I can already feel the switch in me to letting it go, and relying so heavily on it to bring in business, to finding new and more aligned ways.

And even though this is going to be uncomfortable for me, and take bravery, and also potentially lose business, I’m so ready for it. I also know that this is a huge declaration to the Universe that i am ready to step in to my power even more deeply, and I 100% know that i will be rewarded for that.

So there we have it….

So there we have it. My commitment to making a big change.

I’d love to know your thoughts on everything we covered today. What have you already let go of? What really drains you that you know you need to let go of? And can you relate to my need to let go of social media?

Something else that drains me is messages on my phone and the need to respond to everything as soon as I receive it.

As you can imagine, I’m inundated with messages at the moment, and also lots of family engagements, and calls from family. And so I need to put in some gentle boundaries.

Next week we’ll be delving into how I’m going to do this, and what authentic boundary setting really looks like.

Sending loads of love… and remember… Be more disco

Sat 15th March - House of Happiness - Manchester - This legendary London based Sober Rave are coming up North, and I’ll be DJing for them! If you fancy dancing to banging tunes, in a sweaty underground club, surrounded by the most warm and friendly people, this is it! Tickets currently £20, use discount code DJFLOURISH10 for further discounts

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